Christmas Present - An Evolution from Toys to Joy

It's the season of giving.  Peace on earth and good will towards men.   At some point in our lives we  get it - hopefully.  It's very easy to get caught up in the commercial frenzy of the holiday season.  Tis the season to be stressed out and maxed out.  No wonder so many people feel hum bugged and depressed during the holidays.  So how do we do it?  How do we evolve from wide-eyed, innocent children who believe in Santa into adults who believe in the goodness of mankind? 

It was December, 1974. I was 14 years old  and very concerned about what would be under the Christmas tree for me.   I wanted, correction,  I NEEDED white carpenter pants and earth shoes.  I needed a new wardrobe to fit in at high school.   Social acceptance and self confidence was far more important to me than grades or family.  According to my psychology textbooks, this was age appropriate behavior for a 14 year old.  That same Christmas, I remember sitting around with my family watching the Christmas episode of  Little House on the Prairie.   I couldn't get over how little the Ingalls had and how much love and laughter they had in spite of their simple, poor lives.  Mary and Laura each got a new slate for school, a cup, a peppermint stick and a penny.  They were overjoyed with the practical gifts and the luxury of a piece of candy and a penny.  I spent that Christmas examining how many gifts that I had received, both thoughtful and excessive.  I began to feel a little guilty about having so much when others had so little.  It was at the age of 14 that I evolved into a appreciative young girl.

Fast forward ten years to Christmas 1984.  Band Aid was formed and the song Do They Know it's Christmas Time was released.   I bought the record and listened to it ad nauseum.  I REALLY listened and saw, for the first time in my young life, the world as it is. "Tonight thank God it's them, instead of you".  Those were powerful words.  Couple those words with images of starving children in drought-riddened Africa and ultimately, those images were burned into my memory forever.  I went to the Live Aid concert in 1985 and donated a substantial amount of my meager income to the relief effort.  It was at the age of 25 that I evolved into a charitable young woman.

My most profound lesson came to me when I was in nursing school during Christmas 1997.  I was exhausted and stressed.  I had papers to write, finals to study for, baking, shopping, wrapping, school functions and sporting events to attend for the kids.  I was spread as thin as humanly imaginable and my pity party was keeping me from finding any joy in the holidays.  Then I met Mary, my 67 year old patient who was recovering from bilateral mastectomy surgery and a diagnosis of breast cancer.  I was with Mary when the surgeon removed her surgical drains.  She asked her surgeon "Will I be home in time to cook the Christmas turkey for my family?"  The doctor replied "Yes Mary, as long as you don't try to lift the turkey, you may go home and cook the holiday meal."  Mary's reply was one that I carry with me every holiday season and anytime I feel overwhelmed in my hectic life.  "Thank you doctor, for giving my the gift of making another Christmas dinner for my family."  Here I was feeling sorry for myself having too much on my plate, that I forgot to be thankful that I even had a plate. I made my way out of the room because I didn't want Mary to see me lose it.  And lose it I did.  As I cried hysterically in the hall a staff nurse approached me to comfort me.  I asked her how she did this day in and day out.  She simply answered "I draw strength and inspiration from many of my patients and I do my best to care for them when they are in my care."  I thought to myself how easy it was to become caught up in my own life and forget how much I had to be grateful for.

It was from that point on that I would consider myself evolved.  I no longer complained about how little money I had or how much I had to do because those were in fact,  my blessings.  I was both humbled and overjoyed at the same time.  I had come full circle and realized that the meaning of Christmas comes from sacrifice and giving - appreciation and joy.  I realized that my circumstances didn't change, only my perspective had changed.  With a change in perspective I could now accomplish so much more and do so with appreciation.

This Christmas, I will not "thank God  it's them instead of me."  I will thank God for all of my blessings, pray for the lonely, the sick, the hateful and the less fortunate.  I will pray for our troops and the people of the war-torn countries. I will surround myself with the love and joy of my husband and our 3, now grown, children in the quiet of our home.  Most importantly, I'll remember the babe in the manger while I celebrate the season with the loves of my life.  Evolution is not about growing older it is about growing up.  As grown ups, we not only appreciate the meaning of Christmas we emulate the meaning to our children and teach them that there is so much more to Christmas than toys under the tree.

Have a very blessed and joyous Holiday Season with the ones you love.

Want to Be the Hit of the Cocktail Party Without Dancing on the Table? This Easy, No-Cook Appetizer is Sure to Give them Something to Talk About!

Eat, drink and be merry. The holiday season might just as well be called the party season.  Whether I am attending a holiday party or hosting one, I have a way of wowing the guests.  I'm not implying that I dance on the table or wear a skimpy outfit.   I prefer to contribute something to an event other than water cooler conversation for the next work day.

I used to provide a shrimp cocktail platter when hosting or attending parties.  Like holiday parties, seeing a large tray of shrimp on a buffet spread doesn't happen all that often so it's always a hit.  People swarm to shrimp and devour it like seagulls to unattended french fries..... and then they're gone.  No shrimp for you if you're fashionably late.  Maybe it's devoured quickly because it's a bit of a luxury in this economy.  That being the case, being the hit of the party can be quite pricey. 

I remember sampling a shrimp dip at a party many years ago. It was made with canned, baby shrimp and jarred cocktail sauce.  It was a clever, inexpensive alternative to a shrimp platter, but it definitely lacked the wow factor.   I liked the idea so I came up with my own version - one that always gets rave reviews.  I call it the Shrimp Cocktail Ball which, over the years, has become my signature party dish.  It's inexpensive, easy to make and goes a lot further than a shrimp platter does.  Never have I served this appetizer without people asking me for the recipe. 

Shrimp Cocktail Ball Spread (serve with a variety of crackers)

1 lb of cooked, peeled, deveined shrimp - chopped
2 18 oz packages of reduced fat cream cheese.
1 tablespoon of prepared horseradish

Cocktail Sauce
2 cups of ketchup
1/3 cup of prepared horseradish (or to taste)
2 teaspoons of lemon juice

Allow cream cheese to soften at room temp for 15 minutes.  Prior to chopping, rinse cooked, peeled shrimp and strain in a colander.  In a large bowl, combine cream cheese shrimp and 1 tablespoon of horseradish (you can use a spoon, but using your hands works best); form it into a ball and place in a smaller bowl.  Keep chilled in fridge.

Combine ketchup, 1/3 cup horseradish (or to taste) and lemon juice in a bowl and store separately in the fridge.
Just prior to serving, place shrimp ball on a platter and generously spoon cocktail sauce over ball (completely covering it).  Store extra cocktail sauce in fridge, adding more later if needed.
Serve with crackers.  *If you're bringing this dish to an event, you'll need to assemble it there.

Why not serve this appetizer at your next event?  Your guests will enjoy the shrimp cocktail taste without compromising your holiday budget.

Hanukkah Chanukah - Careful, Your Shiksa is Showing

I am a Shiksa, which in the Jewish world means a gentile woman. This term can be meant disparagingly, but I've never taken it that way. I've made some embarrassing mistakes as a Shiksa. Thank God Matt has a great sense of humor and laughs with me when my Shiksa is showing. 

We are an interfaith family. We celebrate and honor both Christian and Jewish holidays so our children have learned an appreciation and respect for other customs in our home.  I think it's wonderful that children also learn about cultural diversity in school. Understanding other cultures encourages tolerance and will hopefully decrease the chances of them embarrassing themselves. This was not the case when I was growing up.   I went to a Catholic school and had very little knowledge about Jewish customs.

My first faux pas as a Shiksa also happens to be my most embarrassing to date. When we were first dating, Matt's Grandfather passed away and I accompanied him to the funeral service at the cemetery - a Jewish cemetery.

I must first set the story up.  Matt is 10 inches taller than I am, so I often lag behind when we're walking.  Even if he's holding my hand, it looks as if he's pulling a child along.  My argument is that I have to take 2 steps to his one, causing me the need to pick up the pace in order to keep up with his normal stride.  We were already running late and I had mistakenly wore heels.  I told Matt to go ahead and not to worry, I would catch up.

It seemed to take an eternity to walk gracefully and respectfully towards the small gathering of family and friends I had not yet met.  They were immersed in hugs and conversation so no one paid any attention to my walk of shame. Thankfully the Rabbi was running later than I was. 

While I walked along the path I noticed that most of the headstones had pebbles or stones on top of them.   It appeared that someone had vandalized the cemetery out of disrespect.  This outraged me so I decided to be a good Shiksa and tidy up the cemetery. I cleaned off all the headstones I passed along the way.  What I failed to notice was that there weren't any flowers placed in front of the graves (what you would normally see in a Christian cemetery).

When I arrived, I observed my husband placing a stone on top of his sister's headstone (his only sibling who died in a car accident when she was 14 and Matt was 12).  Imagine the wide-eyed, Lucy Ricardo, look of horror on my face. "Um.....what are you doing honey?"  Matt explained that instead of flowers, Jews mark a visit to the cemetery by placing a stone on top of the headstone. GULP.  I put my hands over my mouth but my eyes revealed what my mouth could not say.  He said "what's wrong?" With my hands still over my mouth, I whispered "oh my God" and  then proceeded to discretely tell him what I innocently did.

How did Matt respond? Belly laughs. He laughed out loud so everyone took notice. Then he shared the story with everyone.  If anyone wondered about Matt's new girlfriend, all doubt was now removed.  She's a Shiksa.  I claimed ignorance, profusely apologized, shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile.  Thankfully, no one was offended and I inadvertently added comic relief at a difficult time. Welcome to the family.

After the service, I intentionally lagged behind as everyone headed towards their cars.  As I walked back, I placed some stones back on every headstone that I had tidied up on my way in.  Noticing I had lagged behind, Matt came back to help me undo my mistake.  We laughed about it the entire time and we still laugh about it today.

Hanukkah begins this week.  I hope to make some latkes, light the menorah with my husband and, since I never studied Hebrew, will probably manage to butcher the prayer.  Hopefully, no one but Matt will notice.  Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate from a sincere and well-intentioned Shiksa.

Ahhh The Holidays ~ How to Not Just Get Through Them, How To Enjoy Them

The holidays are upon us.  They are a time of gratitude, joy and gatherings with the ones we love.  As we all know, the holidays can also be very stressful - shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, decorating and more cleaning.  Throw in baking for school parties, basketball games and the office party - SOS!!! Our lives and schedules are already jam packed.  We don't just put more food on our plates during the holidays we put more stress on them.

I am cooking the family meal this Thanksgiving and I am not the least bit stressed about it.  I can't wait to spend a day with my family when we have no where else to be.  I want my family to enjoy a wonderful, traditional Thanksgiving feast but more importantly, I want to enjoy my family.  I've learned the only way to accomplish this is by picking and choosing my battles when it comes to preparing the holiday meal.  Delegating doesn't hurt either!

I've only made a full Thanksgiving feast from scratch once - and once was enough.  Whoever coined the phrase "easy as pie" surely meant easy as eating pie, not making it. The first time I made my own pie crust was also my last.  My frustration led to yelling, a feeling of inadequacy and ultimately, no pie for dessert.  I am still thankful my kids were too young to remember my holiday meltdown.  I only want my children to remember the holiday traditions of food, family, laughter and gratitude.  I didn't want them to associate the holidays with stress, perfection or frustration. After all, they learn what the live. This is how we manage to spend less time fussing and more time enjoying Thanksgiving.

First, we remember to give back.  Every year when the kids were younger, I would take them grocery shopping for the food pantry.  I asked them to imagine that we were poor and couldn't afford groceries and needed to get food at a food pantry, not a store.  Then, I let them select items they thought no one should do without: cereal, hot chocolate, soup, pasta and coffee.  They'd always remind me "Mom, you would have to have your coffee!"  So true. We would then bring our bags of groceries to a food drive. A local radio station has an annual, 4 day food drive so we "stuff the bus" with Star93.3!  My kids are now in college and they still give back by choice.  They'll work at a soup kitchen, the local food pantry or donate food.  I am so proud of them for being empathetic and charitable.

When it comes to dinner, I stick with what works and provides us with the least amount of work.  I want to get as much done as possible before our guests arrive. I buy a turkey that has a pop-up timer and I use a stuffing mix.  I like Pepperidge Farm stuffing.  There are recipes and preparation options listed on the package.  Choose the recipe and method that works for you: stove top, microwave, casserole or stuffing the bird. We prefer traditional stuffing with celery and onions.  Because I fear food-borne illnesses, I make a casserole.  I prep it in the morning and pop it in the oven 30 minutes before meal time.

Mashed potatoes are a breeze.  I peel and cube the potatoes and put them in a pot of water the night before.  I turn on the pot of potatoes in the morning.  Once they're ready, I put them in a crock pot on low, stirring occasionally.  They stay moist and warm until dinner time.

When it comes to gravy I cheat.  I buy jars of prepared gravy - Heinz home style.  I use equal amounts of beef and turkey gravy and add a cup of the drippings from our turkey to make it taste home made.  My kids never enjoyed the green bean casserole so I keep it simple.  I offer 2 steamed vegetables with butter sauce, usually corn and broccoli.  I use fresh broccoli.  I have it prepped and in a pot of water on the stove top ready to go the night before.  I only make frozen corn.  Biscuits are made by Pillsbury, put on a cookie sheet and baked just before dinner.  They taste as good as home made.  Cranberry sauce comes in a can and that's good enough for us. When it comes to making pies there is no easier way to do it but to use Pillsbury Pie Crusts.  They taste as good as home made and now, thanks to Pillsbury, making pie IS as easy as pie!

We never forget to delegate.  Our dinner guests often ask "what can I bring?"  I let them choose an appetizer and a bottle of their favorite wine to share (or strategically place in our wine rack).  Matt's fantastic about letting me be in charge and always asks "okay, what do you need me to do next?"  We work as a team - shopping, cooking and cleaning.  I love that about our marriage and I love that he doesn't let me do all of the work.  We're always sure to make time for an occasional hug, kiss and grope break. 

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my loving partner and friend - my husband, Matt. I am thankful for our 3 amazing children.  I am thankful to have a home and family to cook for and I am thankful we both have jobs.  I am thankful for our troops and the sacrifices they and their families' make so that we are free to enjoy every day.  I will savour every moment of this holiday season because I can - well maybe not the cleaning part. I'll get through that by hiding the clutter in a closet or two.

Please post a comment of your favorite family tradition and any shortcuts that allow you more time to enjoy the day.  May you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving and thank you for reading.

<3 Happy Skinny Mrs

My Skin Care Regime - If It's Not Broke, Why Fix It?

I have a confession to make.  I feel a little envious whenever I am face to face with my 19 year old stepdaughter.  Her skin is so 'young' and beautiful.  Sometimes I wish I had a time machine. I would travel back and tell the teenage version of me to spend less time in the sun and use more sunscreen.  I've always been a head strong, stubborn girl so I doubt I would have taken my own advice.  It wasn't until I was 28 years old that I became concerned about my skin.  I had combination skin - oily and dry.  Nothing like breaking out with pimples and noticing fine lines while approaching 30 at the speed of light.  I couldn't process the unfairness of having the problems of teenage skin while acquiring wrinkles.  I needed to make some changes fast.  When it came time to change my skin care regime, I asked a friend who had great skin.  That is when I started using Clinique cosmetics. 

I began using Clinique's 3 step skin care products at age 28.  Not only did I minimize breakouts, I managed to keep my skin younger looking.  I was still getting carded into my late 30's.  That's the only testimonial I needed to remain loyal to these products.  About 5 years later,  I read about the importance of exfoliating in order to maintain younger looking skin.  I learned that retinol and alpha hydroxy are proven exfoliants.  I modified my skincare regime by adding exfoliants and have been loyally using the same products for over 15 years.  I am completely happy with the appearance of my skin and wouldn't dream of trying something new - after all, if it's not broke, don't fix it!
The following are products I  use faithfully - some every day and some on alternating days.

I exfoliate 3 or 4 mornings a week with St. Ives Timeless Skin Apricot Scrub which contains alpha hydroxy.   I use it on my face AND my hands.  I can honestly say that I have no visible brown spots on my face or my hands. 

I have only one product I now cleanse my face with and that is Basis Cleaner Clean Face Wash.  It's an oil-free and soap-free gel that has aloe, mint and lemongrass in it.  It doesn't dry out my skin and I don't feel the need to use a toner after using this product.

My greatest discovery is the one staple I've been using for 22 years.  Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer.  I use it on my face, neck and even around my eyes - it is that gentle.  I have tried expensive under eye creams and they've actually made me look older!  I accidentally realized this product's ability to depuff the skin under my eyes.  I had gone through my usual cleansing and moisturising routine and then applied my Clinique liquid foundation makeup (Stay True is my favorite and it's oil-free and gentle enough to use around my eyes).  I noticed my under eyes still looked  puffy and the lines were noticeable.

Using a tiny dab, I applied a thin layer of moisturizer under my eyes, over my makeup.  I let it absorb in, verses massaging it in, so as not to mess up my makeup.  The result literally blew me away!  Once it absorbed into my skin, the puffiness was gone AND the lines were barely noticeable! I shared my discovery with the girls at the Clinique counter and they reinforced that it was gentle enough for use under my eyes.  No more experimenting with expensive eye creams for me and better results equals win, win!

After applying my moisturizer, there are 2 other products I use on alternating days. These should not be applied around the eyes.  I use Neutrogena's Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream.  It has retinol, vitamins and sunscreen.  On opposite days I apply Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion.   I apply these creams over my moisturizer (avoiding the eye area) and before I apply my foundation.   In summary:

1. I use an exfoliating scrub 3 or 4 days a week, before cleansing
2. Cleanse daily with Basis Cleaner Clean foaming gel
3. Apply Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer all over my face, including around my eyes and on my neck
4. Apply Neutrogena's Anti-Wrinkle Cream or Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion (on alternating days avoiding the eye area)
5. Apply Clinique Stay True (Oil-free) liquid foundation over my face including around my eyes
6. After I've finished applying all of my makeup, I apply a tiny amount of the Dramatically Different Moisturizer under my eyes, lightly over my makeup and let it absorb in - which depuffs and reduces the look of fine lines. 

I am not a paid spokes person for any of these products but I am glad to share what has been working for me for nearly half of my life.  Keeping my skin younger looking is a great way to defy my age.  I don't know if there's a better product out there, but I'm still a stubborn, head strong lady.  I'm sticking with what works because if it isn't broke, why fix it?

Mission Not-So-Impossible - How I Stay Motivated and Defy My Age

"How do you do it?"  I can't tell you just how often I hear that question - but I can tell you it increases with age.  This is me at 49 years of age. I was close enough to 50 to smell it. I didn't fear the number - maybe because I've managed to defy my age over the years. Sure, I have tell-tale lines on my brow and sun-kissed freckles on my skin (sounds so much nicer than wrinkles and age spots) but I've found ways to defy my age that have stood the test of time.
I turned 40 on January 1, 2000 - the new millennium.  Remember the countdown clocks that were mounted in every public building? Maybe you don't, but I certainly do.  Imagine facing the countdown to the big 4 0 every time you enter a public building. Tick tock....bye bye youth in 92 days, 8 hours and 43, 42, 41 seconds.  Fan-stinking-tastic (insert sarcastic tone of voice).  Thank you very little - for the regular reminders! Thankfully, turning 40 didn't throw me over the edge and neither did turning 50.
"You're so lucky - you're still thin and young looking for your age". Yet another comment I hear regularly.  Sometimes it sounds more like an accusation rather than a compliment.  I'm now emphatically stating to the haters: "LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!"  It feels good to get that off my chest.  If you are not too offended by my venting and are now a little intrigued - keep reading. This is how I do it:

Knowledge 
1) I read magazines that give me good information.  Fitness, Self, More, O and Cooking Light are my favorites. I don't waste my time or my money on tabloid-type magazines. They only bring me down.  I see botox, personal stylists, nip tuck and bad behavior displayed in those magazines.  I'm not learning anything useful by reading them.  I get fitness, health and beauty tips from the publications I listed.  More importantly, they motivate me to treat myself better. I love healthy recipes and they're chock full of solid, useful information.  I honestly don't give a rat's ankle which self-destructive celebrity just got arrested.  By the way, Cosmopolitan gives great advice (wink, wink) - nothing wrong with wanting to keep the passion in my marriage!
2) I'd rather watch Good Morning America, Oprah or the History Channel than watch 'reality' programs.  Pah-LEASE!  And, if I want to be entertained, I'd much rather watch a smart sitcom or Comedy Central - laughter is the best medicine.  Again, I lean towards watching informative or funny programs.  I like to learn and I love to laugh.
Willpower
1) I yo-yo with my weight like everyone else. I just do not let myself get to a point where I need to buy bigger jeans.  Once those pants start getting snug enough to turn my mini-muffin into a jumbo muffin I get strict with my diet.  I keep those too tight jeans on as a reminder - to eat less, eat better and get my expanding assets to the gym! I'm not wearing expandable Lycra - nope, not me! I need to feel like I'm fat to get back on the wagon and wearing jeans that cut off the circulation to my feet do the job.
2) While I'm eating a sensible meal, I'll flip through a Victoria's Secret catalogue or one of my favorite magazines.  It's sounds a little embarrassing, but it honestly it works for me.  I visualize myself with a more fit, healthy body - not the kind you see in high fashion magazines with emaciated models.  Again, this motivates me to take better care of me and make better choices.
Style
1) I try to buy new clothes every season - not a whole wardrobe - just a few pieces that give me a current look.  I look for sales and shop at outlets and discount stores (TJ Maxx and Marshall's) to save money.  Keeping my wardrobe somewhat current helps me feel and look younger.  Nothing spells old than out-dated clothes.  Get jeans with a waist that sits on your hips, just below your navel.  Higher waisted paints give the appearance of a belly bulge - even if you don't have one.
2) Out-dated hair styles can really 'age' women.  For Pete's sake try something new!  Hair grows in - it's temporary. Having bangs is a great way to hide brow lines - sweep them to one side for a more current look. I color my hair - grays make me look older.  I have nothing against woman who choose not to color their grays, but to me it's like not wearing concealer under my eyes.  I really do care about my appearance - if  I look gray with dark circles under my eyes -  I'm bound to feel gray and tired.
Attitude
1) Posture - stand up straight, shoulders back and chin up (don't forget a to smile and make eye contact).  Nothing commands attention more than a person who walks into a room with purpose and confidence.  They call it body language for a reason! I talk the talk and walk the walk. Let's face it, I'm a nurse so I have to smile a lot!  If you smile enough you really will feel happier. It works for me!
2) Shoes - that's right.... I just said shoes affect attitude.  If you're wearing shoes that are too high and uncomfortable, you're going to walk like a fool.  Props to you if you can walk with swagger sporting high-heeled slingbacks!  I have to wear a lower heel to walk confidently.
Cosmetics
1) Take care of your teeth and gums.  A whiter smile can take years off your look and you'll want to smile more.  I use whitening strips once or twice a year and brush with a whitening toothpaste daily.
2) Exfoliate and moisturize - not just your face! After using my facial scrub on my face, I slather and scrub my hands before rinsing.  I have no brown spots on my face or hands! ZERO. I do this every other day.  I use a body scrub and loofah for the rest of my person.  I use moisturizer all over (I'll discuss the products I use in a future blog).

Why be defined by a number? I started writing this blog because so many people ask me how I do it - this is what works for me.  I'll keep fighting the fight to defy my age because I enjoy how I feel. Care to join me?

Football Sundays - Chili & Tight Ends - What's Not to Love?

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em - nothing is more true when you live with sports fanatics.  When our family gathers around the table for a meal, my husband and sons talk sports - or I should say - argue sports.

It's dizzying to me how much knowledge they possess about sports - any sport - ALL sports.  My husband sometimes has trouble remembering what I told him yesterday, but he can recall every New York Yankee lineup, past and present, AND remember each player's stats.  Our daughter and I would silently stare at each other during meals - rolling our eyes and shrugging our shoulders.  She was wise enough to remain silent - I on the other hand, would attempt to chime in on the great dinnertime debates, only to get corrected or instantly shot down.  The only opinion I have that doesn't get shot down is that Derek Jeter has a cute backside and a fine way of dodging inside pitches. Not that they agree with me, but none of them have any facts to support an argument against it - in fact, my family finds my Jeter fixation humorous. The guys' opinions often grossly differ, ultimately resulting in heated debates - the perfect time for me to lighten things up with comments about Jeter's assets.

I refused to become a sports widow so I made up my mind to embrace my family's love of sports - after all, if Matt can put up with and partake in antiquing with me, why couldn't I learn to partake in and enjoy sports?  The truth is, I love football season.  I really enjoy preparing a pot of chili or stew this time of year and there's nothing like leftovers after a manic Monday workday. To get in the 'zone', I purchased an Eli Manning Giants jersey and I wear it every Sunday.  I don't fully understand football, but I pay attention and ask questions.  I think my husband enjoys my interest and an opportunity to share his vast knowledge of the sport.

As Winter approaches, the days will grow shorter and colder here in the Northeast.  I can't wait to start a fire in our fireplace and smell chili simmering on the stove while I cozy-up on the sofa with my honey.  I don't mind watching the Tight Ends in a huddle either!

Tammy's Beef Chili
Ingredients:
1 1/2 lbs lean ground beef
3  tbsps olive oil
1 small yellow onion - diced
5 cloves of garlic - minced
1 cup fat free chicken broth
1 cup of raw carrots - diced
1 medium green pepper - diced
1  29 ounce can of tomato sauce
1  6 oz can of tomato paste
1  15.5 ounce can of small red kidney beans - drained and rinsed
10 dashes of chipotle hot sauce (or to taste)
1 packet (1.25 ounce) of McCormick's low sodium chili seasoning

Garnish with 2 % shredded cheddar cheese and serve with tostada chips

Brown ground beef in a frying pain, drain and rinse off excess fat.  In a large sauce pan, heat olive oil on medium heat, saute onions until translucent.  Add garlic, carrots and green pepper and saute for 3 minutes.  Add chicken broth and bring to a boil. 
Add cooked, strained ground beef and all other ingredients.  Bring to near boil on medium high heat, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered for 40 minutes stirring occasionally

Serve chili in small crocks, sprinkle with shredded cheddar.  Enjoy with tostada chips and someone you love!

......And They Lived Happily Ever After - My Perspective on Fairy Tales

Happily ever after - most little girls dream about a fairy tale wedding.  We dream of finding our prince, falling in love, marrying said prince and living happily ever after. As little girls do, we envision beautiful gowns, tiaras, a handsome prince and a lovely castle. I've been married twice and  as a 50 year old woman - I now know the truth about fairy tales.  It took a failed first marriage, 18 years together and nearly 15 years of marriage to Matt for me realize that I AM and we ARE living the fairy tale. We have shared many moments of joy and many moments of stress and pain. Together, we have formed a love and bond that will last a lifetime.
We renewed our vows this past May.  Allow me to share with you what I vowed to my prince during our vow renewal ceremony.

It seems like just yesterday that we stood before a judge with our small children by our sides…in front of our family and friends. I remember how I felt that day.  I married my soul mate – my best friend, the love of my life.  Nothing felt more right. I had this image in my mind of my true love. It was not a physical image but rather a feeling and a longing to be a part of something magical.  I wanted the fairy tale.

But what are fairy tales? They are not filled with only roses, love and happiness.  Fairy tales are stories that evolve.  There are obstacles: personal struggles, poverty, social rejection, villains and monsters to face and overcome.  Once these obstacles are overcome, personal growth must happen before the ‘happily ever after’ moment arrives.  That being said, anything worthwhile is worth the fight.  Without the bad times how could we possibly recognize and cherish the good times?  Over 14 years ago we vowed to love each other, cherish each other and remain true to each other, for better or for worse.  For all of the joys we have experienced thus far, we have also faced and weathered many storms together.  Together - we are amazing.  With you - is where I long to be.  I don’t need a romantic backdrop or an exotic location.  I enjoy you no matter where we are. I love us. I love that we can just touch hands and gaze into each other’s eyes and feel – connect, communicate without any spoken words.  I love that we can never say ‘I love you’ too often.

I promise to never forget the struggles we endured to be together.  I will always fight for us.  We are worth the fight.

I promise to never forget the good - all of the good you have shown me and our family in the past and the sacrifices you have made for us. I look forward to our future and the good memories that are yet to come.

I promise to weather every storm with you… because together we can overcome any obstacle. I will support you when life becomes overwhelming.

I promise to cherish you and our marriage.  I will never take you or our marriage for granted.  The love we share is so rare and precious to me.

I promise to be your best friend. I will listen even if I cannot help or understand. I will be your support when life leaves you weary and your shoulders feel overburdened.

I promise to laugh with you - at the funny things and the not-so-funny things - the way you cope with difficult situations has been through laughter. I am learning to cope with laughter because of you. 

I promise to hold you and love you and be there for you… you never need to search for someone who understands or could love you more than I – that simply is not possible – No one could love you more than I. I never knew I could love someone so much.  There are no words that do justice to how I feel about you and about US.

I promise to have your back. We are together and you are my husband. 

I promise to respect you and your decisions - even if I don’t always agree with you.

With promises there are expectations. I expect honesty and loyalty. Sometimes the truth hurts but together we are strong enough to overcome the hurt. I only expect what I am willing to give of myself. I promise to be honest and loyal – always.

I have entrusted you with my love, my life and my heart.  Please do not break my heart.

I expect you to come to me with anything - whether you think I can handle it or not.  Please don’t assume you know how I will react or how I will feel.

I expect you to refill my coffee if I need you to do so.

I expect you to love me while remaining true to you.  Do not change a thing - I love you as you are.

All I want is to love you for the rest of my life. To wake up every morning with you by my side.  Knowing that no matter what happens during our times apart, I’ll be able to come home to your loving arms.

All I want is to share everything with you - our ideas, dreams and hopes - for today and  for our future.

All I want is to give you my love .

All I want is to grow old with you - to travel one day at a time with you in our journey that is our marriage.

You are my present and my future. I only want to spend my life loving you until death us do part.

I believe in us.

The vows and promises spoken after many years of loving and living a fairy tale are not only powerful - they are much more meaningful because they come from love's wisdom and love's experience.  If you haven't considered renewing your vows, I highly recommend it.  There wasn't a dry eye in the room when we professed our vows to each other - because our words came directly from the heart of our fairy tale - laced with the joy, love, memories and struggles that we share together..... and they lived happily ever after.

Housework: United We Stand - Together Gets it Done Quicker

Housework - the word alone makes me cringe. Maintaining a home is work and it's a thankless job that's never really completed.  Just when the overflowing hamper is finally emptied,  dirty laundry is getting tossed  in. Is it me, or does it seem as if the dirty clothes mate and multiply in that hamper?   Maybe that's why we "separate" the laundry. With 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog our house doesn't stay clean for very long.  Our cats have impeccable timing - they wait for the floors to be clean before feeling the need to cough up a hairball.   We vacuum up enough pet hair in a week to start our own business making kitty wigs for hairless cats.  We don't have dust bunnies - they're more like dust tumble weeds.
Carol Brady had it made.  The Brady's were a middle class family with a stay-at-home mom AND a full time, live-in maid. Seriously?  That's about as realistic as me giving up shoe shopping.  Did we grow up watching that nonsense? I need an Alice! We all need an Alice! With 6 kids, Mr. and Mrs. Brady and pets, Alice needed an Alice! It appeared that all Carol did was sew on a few buttons and help out in the kitchen.  With 3 kids in college we cannot justify hiring someone to clean house once a week - especially since it only stays clean for 15 minutes.  We'd rather do the job ourselves and save that money for dinner out or a weekend away.
Weekends are short.  So, our time off is precious to both of us. When it's time to clean, Matt and I divide and conquer. He's better at doing the floors than I am.  The nurse in me needs to hose down the kitchen and bathrooms killing any possible virus or bacteria that may be lurking around. We take turns cooking and cleaning up after meals.   If we divide and conquer, neither of us feels the work load is unfair and we get it done in half the time, thus leaving us with more play time.  When the kids were little we asked that they help out making them aware that with their help, the work gets done faster - ultimately getting them to the soccer field sooner. They grew up in a home that lacked sexist roles. Now that they are older, they do their own laundry, they are capable of cooking and keeping their own space clean.  Teens and clean - a bit of an anomaly, wouldn't you say?
Since Matt and I share the cooking responsibilities, it only makes sense that we grocery shop together.  We both have a say on what goes in the cart and ends up on our table.  We actually have fun shopping together. We enjoy each other's company, so for us, shopping is another opportunity to spend time together.  We spend too much time apart during the work week, so we choose to spend as much time together as possible on the weekends.  I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. 
I imagine some may find our marriage nauseating, but it works for us.  Share and share alike - even when it applies to the drudgery of chores and errands that cannot be neglected.  Our marriage and home is happier when we work and play together - whether it's coping with a family crisis, sweeping up tumble weeds or cheering on our children at their games.  For better or for worse....I thank God we're in it together!

Let's Get Physical - A Tribute to Jane Fonda and the Fitness Craze of the 80's

"Let's get physical" - it was the mantra of the 80's. Jane Fonda is known for her oscar winning roles, political views, intelligence and beauty. She is also known as a pioneer of fitness back in the 80's.   She looked amazing in her leotard and leg warmers. Jane was in her 40's in the 80's.  That's right - a woman in her 40's started a fitness craze! As a now 50 year old woman, I find this both inspiring and amazing.  I've always admired Jane and women like her.  Intelligent, passionate, beautiful, strong and the picture of health - all qualities I have and still try to emulate.
Remember Olivia Newton-John's "Let's Get Physical" video?  Olivia sported the leotards and legwarmers while she did aerobics through it's entirety. It seemed like everyone was getting physical - taking aerobics classes and joining the gym. If there's one craze worth succumbing to - this was it. I turned 20 in 1980.  I was a slave to fashion and anything trendy in my 20's.  I still can't believe I permed my already curly hair - another fad I succumbed to.  Naturally, if sporting a leotard and joining a gym was the trendy thing to do then I was immediately on board.  I  joined a gym that was just for women.  I packed a bag in the mornings and went directly to the gym after work. I would meet up with friends and we'd sweat and laugh through aerobics class together.
While attempting to be a part of a fashionable trend, a healthy habit was born.  I continued to remain active and exercise throughout most of my adult life.  It helped shaped me - both literally and figuratively - into the strong, fit woman I am today. Outside of a few busy years in my 30's, I've tried to exercise regularly. I unfortunately learned in my 30's that  it was more difficult to balance work, school, motherhood and home without the extra energy working out gave me.
Crazes eventually go out of style. The fitness craze of the 80's turned into a good habit for me.  Working out is the best thing I do for me. Jane Fonda is now in her 70's and still looks amazing so I imagine it wasn't just a craze for her either.  Exercise looked great on her then and it looks great on her now.  I'm still admiring you Jane and I thank you for being an inspiration to me.

How Sweet It Is - Confessions of a Carboholic

Celebrate with me! The foundation of the food pyramid is carbs!  For me, that's the equivalent of a clothing pyramid having shoes at the bottom. As if I need to justify eating carbs or buying more shoes?!

As far back as I can remember, I have always loved carbs. I ate pasta. I ate it hot on my plate, cold in the strainer and uncooked - straight of the box (I emphatically do NOT recommend eating it uncooked as I broke a tooth eating uncooked ziti).
When I was a child, I used to take a slice of white bread, tear off the crust and eat it. Then I would roll and squish the rest into a neat little ball and eat that. I KNOW some of you have tried this! Matt has admitted that he did the same thing as a child.

I remember wanting to help out in the kitchen.  My mother let me peel the potatoes for dinner. I also remember enjoying eating a raw, peeled potato as a snack while I worked.  As far back as I can recall, I remember loving carbs, being active and  being thin.  I grew up Irish in an Italian neighborhood.  My mother was an excellent Irish AND Italian cook.  We ate as much pasta as we did potatoes in my home.  I believe my activity levels are what kept me thin and in shape.  I was always sent outside to play.  I rode my bike, played kick ball, shot hoops, swam and ice skated. I cannot recall one heavy child in my neighborhood. We didn't sit around watching TV or playing video games.  In order to fuel this active lifestyle, I ate a balanced diet - one that included lots of carbohydrates.

As a nurse, I understand the  importance of substituting whole grains for white grains. Brown rice, whole wheat pasta and whole grain breads are by far, a better choice nutritionally.  The are higher in fiber and nutrients and help stabilize blood sugar levels.  Sweet potatoes are a much better choice over white potatoes.  So when it comes to carbs, I choose sensibly.  I choose the ones that offer me the best nutritional value with the least amount of guilt.

So I ask myself why do people deprive themselves of the very foundation of the food pyramid in order to maintain or lose weight? Food deprivation often leads to diet failure.
Carbohydrates - breads and grains - are the foundation of the food pyramid.  They are an essential part of a balanced diet.  For this carboholic, knowing that it is recommended I have  6-11 servings of carbs per day,  is something worth celebrating. How sweet it  is!

You're a Hard Habit to Break - Rock Star Parking - One Space Away From a Handicap Space

Habits - they can be good or bad.  Habits are formed. They strengthen with recurrence and become a part of our routines.  I don't even think about it anymore. I get out of bed, go downstairs and head directly to the coffee pot. It's part of my daily routine and a ritual that offers me familiar comfort. However, I didn't always drink coffee.  My coffee habit began when I was 26 years old.  I worked for attorneys and there was always fresh coffee brewing.  The aroma drew me in and I eventually acquired a taste for it. The rest is history.
New habits can easily be formed while old habits are very difficult to break.  Coincidentally, forming a new "good" habit can automatically replace an old "not-so-good" habit.  Unfortunately, the reverse also applies.
""Yeah baby!" Exclaims my husband, as he scores a "rock star" parking space at the mall.  We just parked in the best space there is - the first space after the handicap spaces. Lucky us! Is this a habit or the norm for us? Do we typically drive around for 10 minutes searching for what I refer to it as: the ultimate spot?
I can only speak for myself. Unless I'm obligated to be somewhere in a big hurry, I try to park a little further away - saving the rock star space for someone who needs it more: the woman who is in her 9th month of pregnancy with  a 2 year-old, snuggly buckled into his car seat.  She really needs the spot more than I do. I know - I've been there.  At 5 feet 2 inches tall, when I was carrying my baby in the last trimester, I could barely move and hardly breath trying to holiday shop. That's as close to handicapped as I ever want to be.
Parking a little further away is an opportunity for me to walk a little more and burn a few extra calories. They really do add up and it's a habit I intend to stick with as long as my health and body cooperate with my mindset.
I love a good competition. I have worn a pedometer in the past.  I would try to walk more than I did the day before. Wearing it gave me an awareness of just how many steps I took per day. I found little ways to increase the number of steps each day by taking the stairs instead of the elevator, taking a walk at lunch or parking a little further away.
Always scoring a rock star parking space is a bad habit.  Not only does it take away spaces from  people who need them, it keeps you from getting in those extra steps.  Obesity, cardiovascular disease and diabetes all can be avoided and/or controlled by diet and exercise. So ask yourself, "Is it my goal to one day have that blue permit dangle from my rear view mirror?"
Start your holiday wish list now and put a pedometer and a new pair of walking shoes at the top of your list. Or, if the budget allows, treat yourself to them now and start a new good habit today. Somewhere out there a pregnant woman is grateful for the parking space closest to the mall. She is the true rock star!

Saying the "F" Word: Forgiveness - Letting Go of Food Remorse.

We all do it. We eat something that we know we shouldn't be eating or we overeat.  You're out to lunch with friends and you decide to order cheesecake or eat a third slice of pizza. At some point, remorse sets in.  We say it out loud as we loosen the button on our slacks "I shouldn't have had the cheesecake".   What really blows my mind is when I'm with someone who is truly trying to lose weight and they actually continue that pattern for the rest of the day. "I already blew my diet today so I'll just be more careful tomorrow". Plain cheesecake has about 500 calories per slice while strawberry cheesecake can pack up to 725 calories per slice!  A plain cheese pizza slice has 230 calories while pepperoni is closer to 300 calories per slice.  You now want to throw the entire day away and pack on extra empty calories? Or worse, starve yourself for the rest of the day?
So, you've just added 500 calories to your day. Why beat yourself up over it? It's done and it's time to let it go. Move forward and maybe find a way to burn a few extra calories over the day.  Why sabotage the entire day? Why punish yourself? Park a block further away from your office. Go for a brisk walk during half time at your daughter's soccer game or the last 10 minutes of your lunch break.  Replace the potato with another steamed or raw vegetable at dinner tonight.
Remember, deprivation can lead to failure. If we continually deprive ourselves and then have a table full of food in front of us, say at a cocktail  or holiday party, we begin to mindlessly eat. Remember that potato chip slogan "you can't eat just one"?  There's truth to that! So here is how I manage to not deprive myself, overcome cravings and let go of food remorse without losing the battle of the bulge.*
When we go out to dinner and the desserts are just too good to pass up I either share a dessert with my husband or take mine to go. It's very sexy when my husband spoon feeds me a little chocolate cake during our shared dessert. Even when I take it home, I won't eat it all at once or I'll share it. I don't normally choose to eat sweets since they sit at the tippy top of the food pyramid, so I don't beat myself up over a slice of apple pie. At home, I keep my fridge stocked with my favorite low-fat, strawberry yogurt.  If I'm craving something sweet after dinner I reach for my yogurt. It's sweet and it's full of calcium. No remorse ever follows giving in to yogurt.
When I go to a cocktail or holiday party where there is a spread of food laid out, I use a small plate and select the items that I truly enjoy, some good choices and some not so good.  I choose raw vegetables, a single cube of cheese and my idea of treats: coconut fried shrimp and scallops wrapped with bacon. I fill that little plate like it's a mini-dinner plate and walk away - far, far away from the temptation of the spread. I'll immerse myself in conversation with someone I enjoy. I most likely will savor a second glass of  merlot over hitting the dessert table.
Life is a series of moments. Enjoy the moments and the people you're with. Don't spoil them with food remorse and self-loathing, even if you do opt to head to the dessert table or go back for a second plate of fried finger foods.

*If you suffer from chronic illness or food allergies, always consult with your physician or a nutritionist for diet recommendations.

"Not Tonight Baby, I'm Too Tired" - Words Spoken To My Treadmill

Before I turn in at night, I look at my treadmill and say out loud "I'm getting up early and doing the treadmill". With good intentions I set my alarm a half an hour earlier. The alarm goes off at 5:30am. I hit the snooze button again and again and again. Not only have I slept through my treadmill time, I'm running a half an hour late! I am not benefiting from extra minutes of interrupted sleep, I am beginning my day stressed out and tired. I am more likely to snap at my husband and my kids and start their day off on a sour note. The dog is definitely getting yelled at for no reason other than the fact that his breath smells and I'm running late.

Sleep - it becomes more precious and elusive when you're trying to balance work, home and family. When I was single, I'd go out dancing with my friends six nights a week and make it to work everyday. I was young and in shape. However, I lived at home with my parents and I only had myself to worry about. Once I moved out, I worked 2 jobs. One to pay the bills and one for spending money. I still went out 6 nights a week and never complained I was tired.

Stress, along with the responsibilities of work and family life, seem to leech out much of my energy. It didn't matter how much I slept, I  always felt tired.  I saw my doctor about my fatigue and addressed my underlying anemia and an under active thyroid. I was told it all went south after 40. Here I was at 38, exhausted and gaining weight. Friends told me I looked tired and bloated, 2 years ahead of schedule. Lucky me.
At the time I was back in school full time becoming a nurse. I had 3 school-aged kids. Soccer, basketball, karate, cheer leading, Sunday school, their homework, MY homework, housework and they want me to bake cookies for tomorrow's class party? Romance? Need you ask how our romantic life was at that time?  I had to get up at 4:30am just to complete my homework before the family awoke. I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life and day-to-day, I didn't know how I was going to make it through the nursing program. Something had to change.

I survived it by getting an exercise tape. That's right! I added one more thing to my plate. I only worked out 2 times a week but it worked. I wasn't as tired and I began to lose weight. I felt better about me! I was like Rocky at the top of stairs before the big fight. The dog suffered less and so did my family. I "went the distance" and graduated nursing school with my family present. I was awarded the Outstanding Effort award at graduation. If they only knew! My kids, my husband and my parents were so very proud of me. I was proud of me. However, I could not have achieved this success without the complete support, understanding and love of a good man. Matt did more than his fair share around the home and with the kids and he cheered me on the whole way, never asking anything of me. He deserved the Outstanding Effort award as much as I did, because this was difinitiely a team effort.

That same year we joined a gym. The kids enjoyed the pool at that age. Now they are all in college and they all belong to gyms. We set the example. The seeds were planted. A job well done. 
I now label myself as being 'fit'. I am not an athlete. At 50, I feel and look better than I did at 38. What a difference lifestyle makes! What have I learned over the last 12 years? I learned that replacing 30 minutes of sleep with moderate exercise has given me an abundance of extra energy to get me through my hectic day. I'm not running late, I am more awake and I feel better about me. My family thanks me. My dog thanks me.
If I don't manage it in the morning, I manage it at night - no matter how exhausted I am, I ALWAYS feel more energized and alive when I finish - even it's for just 15 minutes. So tomorrow morning baby, it's you and me. We have a 30 minute date to exercise, just me and my treadmill. Tonight my handsome husband, I most likely won't be too tired !

Fruits and Veggies - Healthy, Delicious Choices or Science Projects? The Goop Phenomenom

Is it me or is it every household? I buy the fruits and veggies and store them in the drawer in my fridge that is clearly marked "vegetable crisper". Then, a week later, when I'm putting away my new produce, I have to sift through the old stuff that has now taken on new colors and textures. Some have even liquefied into this God awful smelling, brownish goop. That really stinks and I'm not just talking about the odor coming from the goop! I work hard for my money...don't we all? Why I am throwing it away on good intentions?
I swear if I don't wash it, cut it up and put in a see through package with a flashing neon sign it's going to become next week's science project. Will it grow green fuzz? Will it soften and breakout into vege acne? You know, those black spots? Or, my personal favorite, the liquefied, stinky, brownish goop? Okay, maybe the goop takes 2 weeks but you get what I mean.  I either prepare the veggies and fruits for easy access or I'm throwing it away. I feel like I am one step away from chewing the food for my family. In all fairness, I am just as guilty of ignoring the 'vegetable crisper' drawer during the week.  There are only so many hours in a day.
We already know the reasons why we need fruits and veggies: high fiber, low calorie, rich in nutrients and antioxidants. I know I feel better when I make an effort to eat 5 servings per day. Adding them to my diet is an okay plan but substituting them into my diet is best.  That means, instead of chips in front of the TV, I opt to munch on uncooked snap peas with spicy mustard  as a dip. Mustard has almost 0 calories! So I'm dipping, I'm munching and crunching with a healthy, low cal snack. If I'm in between meals and STARVING I will have 2 tablespoons of my favorite brand of hummus (it has ONLY 50 calories in 2 tablespoons) as a dip. I've upped my fiber and added protein which will help me feel more satiated longer.
So here's an opportunity to be more active once a week and burn some extra calories. Wash and cut up the veges and put them in clear, zip lock bags and place them on a shelf  for easy visibility and access. Leave the crisper drawer for the lettuce, potatoes, onions and any produce you plan on cooking. Wash the fruit and put it in a bowl on the counter top. I do this weekly, on a day off from work. I have a stereo in my kitchen so I pop in a Jack Johnson or Van Morrison CD.  I pour myself a glass of wine and turn this into "me time".  My favorite part is when Matt sneaks up behind me, kisses me on the back of my neck and grabs a couple of pepper slices from the cutting board. Those little moments are priceless. Wine, music and a soft kiss. Ahhhhh, doesn't that sound divine?
Maybe, my family will grab one of those delicious nectarines or apples over the chips. Maybe, they'll go for celery and carrots. Maybe they won't. But I know I will! I went through the process of selecting, purchasing, lugging, cleaning, chopping and packaging them. Yeah it's work, but work equals more calories burned and less calories consumed. I think I'll save those calories for another glass of wine. Cheers!

Embracing My Inner Child - One Way I Defy My 'Age'

Got Ya! I goosed the Moon God in the Dominican Republic. There he was with that expression on his face just waiting for someone to come along and give him a reason for it. Who could resist? Maybe my mind is in the gutter a little too much for some, but it keeps me feeling young and playful. Matt's mind is in the gutter just as much so it works for us.
I'm immature. There it is. I refuse to grow "old". I'm aging, but I'm not going down without a fight. I intend on keeping my attitude and mind young-at-heart and thus far, it's helped me defy the number. I'm proud of my age and I'm proud that I refuse to grow frumpy because that's what we're supposed to do. Says who? Not this girl!
It was January 2008 when we decided to go on a couples only trip to the Dominican Republic. Matt and I had sent my oldest son off to college. That moment in itself was devastating for me, considering I followed the bus on his first day of kindergarten, sobbing the entire way.  We still had 2 teens at home and as much as we adore our kids, they pretty much suck the life out of you in those fun-filled teenage years. I've always felt that God made babies beautiful and helpless so that you form a strong bond with them. This bond drives you to love and protect them. Ultimately, this bond keeps you from killing them when they are teenagers.
Our last vacation as a family was in the Spring of 2007, to the land of "Have a Magical Day". This trip was planned to help me cope with (I mean celebrate) the fact that our oldest was going to college and things would forever change. My inner child was jumping up and down at the thought of grabbing one last chance to take our kids to Disney.
It all went downhill when my brother-in-law suffered and massive heart attack and sadly passed away when we were an hour outside of La La Land. He died on Holy Thursday and catholics do not hold services until after the holy weekend is over so we voted to stay and try to enjoy ourselves. Paul would have wanted it that way. I suspect I was experiencing what bipolar feels like. We arrived at the Magic Kingdom and our two 16 year-olds skipped down Main Street together. I was laughing on the outside, yet I felt like I'd been kicked in the chest on the inside. I went through bouts of laughing and crying the four days we were there. I felt more like I was in the Twilight Zone verses being in the land of "Dreams Come True".  People looked at me like I was crazy. It was an out-of-body experience and I was feeling like a white jacket with shiny buckles might make a good fashion trend I could start.
All of these reasons are why we got 'selfish' and booked a vacation at an all inclusive, adults only resort. We needed to get away from everything and everyone and just BE. No little children crying, no teenagers sulking, just grown-ups.....acting like children.  All inclusive means ALL inclusive. We only needed to bring cash for tipping, easy enough as the Dominicans were gracious and grateful for every American dollar tip. All you can eat and all you can drink. YESSIR! We both felt like we'd needed a week of detox to make up for a week of indiscretions.

We had a blast! We ate, drank, swam, drank at the swim-up-bar and ate some more. We laughed and loved all week long and behaved like newlyweds. We both agreed that this was the best vacation we had ever been on. We didn't have to be responsible and we didn't have to jump through anyone's hoops - we just had to BE.
My inner child is once again jumping up and down. My friend Carolyn is getting married in the land of "Have a Magical Day" in 3 1/2 weeks!!! I am her maid of honor (technically I'm the matron of honor but we're not going there) and Matt is a groomsman. I am overflowing with excitement because this is my first trip to Disney without the kids and my first trip back since we lost Paul. It's just me and my Mr.  I will let my inner child come out and play. I will honor my kids and the memory of Paul by unleashing my inner child and skipping down Main Street in the land of "Dreams Come True".

The Couple That Plays Together, Stays Together.

We exercise together. We hike, walk or go to the gym. We have a common goal - spending time together and staying fit. Neither of us are 'hard bodies' and we are not gym rats. We make time to get to the gym but we don't have a set schedule. We wing it. On a beautiful evening or weekend, we head outdoors. This picture was taken at a local NY State park - The Walkway Over the Hudson Rail Bridge. We'll walk the bridge or the rail trail. We have begun trying new walks/hikes. This past Saturday, we tried The Poet's Walk in Rhinebeck, NY. It was easy and freelicious! We started playing tennis this year - he's the teacher and I'm the student. We even tried Yoga. We didn't think we were the Yoga type but it is seriously challenging and relaxing. We both enjoyed it!
The point is, we are trying new things together. No matter what your interests or hobbies are, it's fun to try new things - both in the home and out of the home!
Look at this picture....whenever we are together we are a couple. We hug, kiss, hold hands and cop an occasional feel, if no one is looking. We always laugh. There is always something funny to be found in any situation. Just look for the funny. It's there, even if I have to create it by randomly breaking into an off-key song.
I purchased a Wii system for my husband for father's day. I thought to myself, he's either going to be upset that I spent the money on it or he's going to love it. He LOVED IT! We LOVE IT. Our kids LOVE IT. It's physical so you have to move more than your thumbs to play. We play it together - mostly bowling. We play alone - ping pong, tennis, golf. JUST DANCE is an insanely fun way to sweat and burn calories. Dancing. It's hilarious - we laugh so hard at ourselves and at each other. I highly recommend it! Our teens actually spend more time with us when they're home. That is money well spent!
We do crossword puzzles together.  We have to sit very close to see the same puzzle. Closeness is so very important. He always smells so good. One thing leads to another!
We play competitively. Scrabble, Yahtzee, cards, Trivial Pursuit. I am a sore loser and even more obnoxious winner! That's okay because Matt's willing to laugh with me not at me. That means I have to be willing to laugh at myself. I learned that from him.  He always says "if I don't laugh, I'll cry". I finally understand this concept. Laughter truly is the best medicine and the sound of his laughter is music to my ears. It's okay to cry too, but I prefer laughter any day. Promise to love me and laugh with me until death us do part.
Take your spouse or significant other by the hand and go for a walk while the weather still permits. Even if you never exercise, you can walk. If you're tired, you will most likely feel energized once you've completed a walk. Walk and talk - it's a nice, healthy way towards rebuilding or maintaining intimacy.

THE SKINNY - I'll Sum It Up: ACTIVITY, KNOWLEDGE AND LAUGHTER

ACTIVITY

Whether you are interested in losing weight or maintaining your current weight, my fitness advice will help you achieve your goal. It's about finding activities you enjoy and making time in your weekly schedule for these activities. It's also about finding a way to be active throughout the day, everyday.

You are either active or sedentary as a rule. Meaning, you'll drive around for 10 minutes looking for the closest parking spot or you'll park at a distance and briskly make it into the mall in less then 5 minutes. The active person perceives this situation as an opportunity to burn a few extra calories in his/her busy day. The sedentary person perceives this situation as an inconvenience - having to walk further when they are just too tired to walk.  Opportunity. Perception. Active. Sedentary. Choices.
*Of course, before beginning any new exercise regime, you should always consult with your physician for medical clearance. The nurse has spoken!

KNOWLEDGE

Knowledge is power. Know what you're eating before you put it in your mouth! The original hamburger and fries at McDonald's was the size of what is now the Happy Meal portion, which equals approximately 500 calories should you choose a diet soda or water with it. In such financially difficult times, we want more value for our buck. The Big Mac value meal has a whopping 1060 calories, making it a better dollar value over the Happy Meal. Value: relative worth. Are you willing to stretch yours and your family's waistline and increase your risks for diabetes and cardiovascular disease in order to stretch your dollar? What is the cost of a new pair of jeans? What's the cost of your copays on your cholesterol, blood pressure and/or diabetes medications? What's the cost of  a 16 year old being diagnosed with type 2 (adult onset) diabetes? How much do you value the quality of the life you live? Value: relative worth, merit or importance. So ask yourself, were is the the value in the Value Meal? What is the final price tag, in the long run? You are what you eat, so to speak. It may not be what you are eating, it may be how much you're eating which is keeping you from achieving your goal. Too much of a good thing......

The next time you pick up an item at the grocery store don't just look at the price. Look at the value. How many calories per serving are there? How many grams of  fat, sodium and sugar does it contain? How many grams of protein and fiber does it have? Compare it to like items and choose the one with lower fat, sodium and sugar grams and contains more fiber and protein. Your choices impact your entire family. Take the time to read the labels for yourself and the ones you love. I will share with you the foods that always land in my grocery cart and any new discoveries.

LAUGHTER

Someone once said "laughter is the best medicine".  Doesn't it feel good to laugh?  Love and laughter go hand-in-hand in successful marriages. Do you love your spouse? Do you like your spouse? Are you happy in your marriage? Do you laugh together?

Listen ladies, I am one extremely happily married woman. I love my husband, he is my best friend. However, I have a failed first marriage and my marriage to my loving husband of 15 years has been put to the test, many times. I know of what I speak.  The truth is if you like each other and enjoy each other, you are more likely to stay in love and stay married.

I used to believe it was all about my husband making me happy. After all, I do so much. I work, clean, avoid cleaning (that takes a lot of energy), shuttle the kids around, shop, cook, laundry etc. Now I have to make my husband happy too? Are you kidding me? One of my greatest discoveries, my "AH HA" moment, was when I learned that I am responsible for my own happiness. When I'm happy, the people around me seem happier. Ripple in the pond effect. Spread joy or spread misery. The choice is mine. My marriage, like a garden, needs tender loving care to thrive, blossom and last. If I don't nurture it, it will slowly shrivel and die like the neglected plant I occasionally remember to water.  My husband gave me a plaque years ago. It's in the shape of a heart and it reads "Marriage is like a garden, it takes a lot of love and a little work each day".  Both partners need to love and work or the garden will shrivel and die. That plaque still hangs in the room we spend the most time in: the kitchen.

When you're happy, you're kids are happier, your husband is happier. It comes back to you - like a reflection in the mirror. You are responsible for your own happiness. What better way to be a role model to your children? When I do something sweet for my husband he appreciates it and THAT makes me happy. When he does something sweet for me I appreciate it and THAT makes him happy. Our kids learn by example. This is how it's done in our home. Consideration is an important element in my marriage. It's not all about me, it's not all about him and it's not all about the kids. It's about all of us - us as a couple, us as a family. You get what you give in our household. Do unto others.

I will share with you ways that we keep our love alive and get through the trials and tribulations of parenting and caring for our elders with love, support and most importantly, with LAUGHTER.