Hanukkah Chanukah - Careful, Your Shiksa is Showing

I am a Shiksa, which in the Jewish world means a gentile woman. This term can be meant disparagingly, but I've never taken it that way. I've made some embarrassing mistakes as a Shiksa. Thank God Matt has a great sense of humor and laughs with me when my Shiksa is showing. 

We are an interfaith family. We celebrate and honor both Christian and Jewish holidays so our children have learned an appreciation and respect for other customs in our home.  I think it's wonderful that children also learn about cultural diversity in school. Understanding other cultures encourages tolerance and will hopefully decrease the chances of them embarrassing themselves. This was not the case when I was growing up.   I went to a Catholic school and had very little knowledge about Jewish customs.

My first faux pas as a Shiksa also happens to be my most embarrassing to date. When we were first dating, Matt's Grandfather passed away and I accompanied him to the funeral service at the cemetery - a Jewish cemetery.

I must first set the story up.  Matt is 10 inches taller than I am, so I often lag behind when we're walking.  Even if he's holding my hand, it looks as if he's pulling a child along.  My argument is that I have to take 2 steps to his one, causing me the need to pick up the pace in order to keep up with his normal stride.  We were already running late and I had mistakenly wore heels.  I told Matt to go ahead and not to worry, I would catch up.

It seemed to take an eternity to walk gracefully and respectfully towards the small gathering of family and friends I had not yet met.  They were immersed in hugs and conversation so no one paid any attention to my walk of shame. Thankfully the Rabbi was running later than I was. 

While I walked along the path I noticed that most of the headstones had pebbles or stones on top of them.   It appeared that someone had vandalized the cemetery out of disrespect.  This outraged me so I decided to be a good Shiksa and tidy up the cemetery. I cleaned off all the headstones I passed along the way.  What I failed to notice was that there weren't any flowers placed in front of the graves (what you would normally see in a Christian cemetery).

When I arrived, I observed my husband placing a stone on top of his sister's headstone (his only sibling who died in a car accident when she was 14 and Matt was 12).  Imagine the wide-eyed, Lucy Ricardo, look of horror on my face. "Um.....what are you doing honey?"  Matt explained that instead of flowers, Jews mark a visit to the cemetery by placing a stone on top of the headstone. GULP.  I put my hands over my mouth but my eyes revealed what my mouth could not say.  He said "what's wrong?" With my hands still over my mouth, I whispered "oh my God" and  then proceeded to discretely tell him what I innocently did.

How did Matt respond? Belly laughs. He laughed out loud so everyone took notice. Then he shared the story with everyone.  If anyone wondered about Matt's new girlfriend, all doubt was now removed.  She's a Shiksa.  I claimed ignorance, profusely apologized, shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile.  Thankfully, no one was offended and I inadvertently added comic relief at a difficult time. Welcome to the family.

After the service, I intentionally lagged behind as everyone headed towards their cars.  As I walked back, I placed some stones back on every headstone that I had tidied up on my way in.  Noticing I had lagged behind, Matt came back to help me undo my mistake.  We laughed about it the entire time and we still laugh about it today.

Hanukkah begins this week.  I hope to make some latkes, light the menorah with my husband and, since I never studied Hebrew, will probably manage to butcher the prayer.  Hopefully, no one but Matt will notice.  Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate from a sincere and well-intentioned Shiksa.

Ahhh The Holidays ~ How to Not Just Get Through Them, How To Enjoy Them

The holidays are upon us.  They are a time of gratitude, joy and gatherings with the ones we love.  As we all know, the holidays can also be very stressful - shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, decorating and more cleaning.  Throw in baking for school parties, basketball games and the office party - SOS!!! Our lives and schedules are already jam packed.  We don't just put more food on our plates during the holidays we put more stress on them.

I am cooking the family meal this Thanksgiving and I am not the least bit stressed about it.  I can't wait to spend a day with my family when we have no where else to be.  I want my family to enjoy a wonderful, traditional Thanksgiving feast but more importantly, I want to enjoy my family.  I've learned the only way to accomplish this is by picking and choosing my battles when it comes to preparing the holiday meal.  Delegating doesn't hurt either!

I've only made a full Thanksgiving feast from scratch once - and once was enough.  Whoever coined the phrase "easy as pie" surely meant easy as eating pie, not making it. The first time I made my own pie crust was also my last.  My frustration led to yelling, a feeling of inadequacy and ultimately, no pie for dessert.  I am still thankful my kids were too young to remember my holiday meltdown.  I only want my children to remember the holiday traditions of food, family, laughter and gratitude.  I didn't want them to associate the holidays with stress, perfection or frustration. After all, they learn what the live. This is how we manage to spend less time fussing and more time enjoying Thanksgiving.

First, we remember to give back.  Every year when the kids were younger, I would take them grocery shopping for the food pantry.  I asked them to imagine that we were poor and couldn't afford groceries and needed to get food at a food pantry, not a store.  Then, I let them select items they thought no one should do without: cereal, hot chocolate, soup, pasta and coffee.  They'd always remind me "Mom, you would have to have your coffee!"  So true. We would then bring our bags of groceries to a food drive. A local radio station has an annual, 4 day food drive so we "stuff the bus" with Star93.3!  My kids are now in college and they still give back by choice.  They'll work at a soup kitchen, the local food pantry or donate food.  I am so proud of them for being empathetic and charitable.

When it comes to dinner, I stick with what works and provides us with the least amount of work.  I want to get as much done as possible before our guests arrive. I buy a turkey that has a pop-up timer and I use a stuffing mix.  I like Pepperidge Farm stuffing.  There are recipes and preparation options listed on the package.  Choose the recipe and method that works for you: stove top, microwave, casserole or stuffing the bird. We prefer traditional stuffing with celery and onions.  Because I fear food-borne illnesses, I make a casserole.  I prep it in the morning and pop it in the oven 30 minutes before meal time.

Mashed potatoes are a breeze.  I peel and cube the potatoes and put them in a pot of water the night before.  I turn on the pot of potatoes in the morning.  Once they're ready, I put them in a crock pot on low, stirring occasionally.  They stay moist and warm until dinner time.

When it comes to gravy I cheat.  I buy jars of prepared gravy - Heinz home style.  I use equal amounts of beef and turkey gravy and add a cup of the drippings from our turkey to make it taste home made.  My kids never enjoyed the green bean casserole so I keep it simple.  I offer 2 steamed vegetables with butter sauce, usually corn and broccoli.  I use fresh broccoli.  I have it prepped and in a pot of water on the stove top ready to go the night before.  I only make frozen corn.  Biscuits are made by Pillsbury, put on a cookie sheet and baked just before dinner.  They taste as good as home made.  Cranberry sauce comes in a can and that's good enough for us. When it comes to making pies there is no easier way to do it but to use Pillsbury Pie Crusts.  They taste as good as home made and now, thanks to Pillsbury, making pie IS as easy as pie!

We never forget to delegate.  Our dinner guests often ask "what can I bring?"  I let them choose an appetizer and a bottle of their favorite wine to share (or strategically place in our wine rack).  Matt's fantastic about letting me be in charge and always asks "okay, what do you need me to do next?"  We work as a team - shopping, cooking and cleaning.  I love that about our marriage and I love that he doesn't let me do all of the work.  We're always sure to make time for an occasional hug, kiss and grope break. 

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my loving partner and friend - my husband, Matt. I am thankful for our 3 amazing children.  I am thankful to have a home and family to cook for and I am thankful we both have jobs.  I am thankful for our troops and the sacrifices they and their families' make so that we are free to enjoy every day.  I will savour every moment of this holiday season because I can - well maybe not the cleaning part. I'll get through that by hiding the clutter in a closet or two.

Please post a comment of your favorite family tradition and any shortcuts that allow you more time to enjoy the day.  May you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving and thank you for reading.

<3 Happy Skinny Mrs

My Skin Care Regime - If It's Not Broke, Why Fix It?

I have a confession to make.  I feel a little envious whenever I am face to face with my 19 year old stepdaughter.  Her skin is so 'young' and beautiful.  Sometimes I wish I had a time machine. I would travel back and tell the teenage version of me to spend less time in the sun and use more sunscreen.  I've always been a head strong, stubborn girl so I doubt I would have taken my own advice.  It wasn't until I was 28 years old that I became concerned about my skin.  I had combination skin - oily and dry.  Nothing like breaking out with pimples and noticing fine lines while approaching 30 at the speed of light.  I couldn't process the unfairness of having the problems of teenage skin while acquiring wrinkles.  I needed to make some changes fast.  When it came time to change my skin care regime, I asked a friend who had great skin.  That is when I started using Clinique cosmetics. 

I began using Clinique's 3 step skin care products at age 28.  Not only did I minimize breakouts, I managed to keep my skin younger looking.  I was still getting carded into my late 30's.  That's the only testimonial I needed to remain loyal to these products.  About 5 years later,  I read about the importance of exfoliating in order to maintain younger looking skin.  I learned that retinol and alpha hydroxy are proven exfoliants.  I modified my skincare regime by adding exfoliants and have been loyally using the same products for over 15 years.  I am completely happy with the appearance of my skin and wouldn't dream of trying something new - after all, if it's not broke, don't fix it!
The following are products I  use faithfully - some every day and some on alternating days.

I exfoliate 3 or 4 mornings a week with St. Ives Timeless Skin Apricot Scrub which contains alpha hydroxy.   I use it on my face AND my hands.  I can honestly say that I have no visible brown spots on my face or my hands. 

I have only one product I now cleanse my face with and that is Basis Cleaner Clean Face Wash.  It's an oil-free and soap-free gel that has aloe, mint and lemongrass in it.  It doesn't dry out my skin and I don't feel the need to use a toner after using this product.

My greatest discovery is the one staple I've been using for 22 years.  Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer.  I use it on my face, neck and even around my eyes - it is that gentle.  I have tried expensive under eye creams and they've actually made me look older!  I accidentally realized this product's ability to depuff the skin under my eyes.  I had gone through my usual cleansing and moisturising routine and then applied my Clinique liquid foundation makeup (Stay True is my favorite and it's oil-free and gentle enough to use around my eyes).  I noticed my under eyes still looked  puffy and the lines were noticeable.

Using a tiny dab, I applied a thin layer of moisturizer under my eyes, over my makeup.  I let it absorb in, verses massaging it in, so as not to mess up my makeup.  The result literally blew me away!  Once it absorbed into my skin, the puffiness was gone AND the lines were barely noticeable! I shared my discovery with the girls at the Clinique counter and they reinforced that it was gentle enough for use under my eyes.  No more experimenting with expensive eye creams for me and better results equals win, win!

After applying my moisturizer, there are 2 other products I use on alternating days. These should not be applied around the eyes.  I use Neutrogena's Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream.  It has retinol, vitamins and sunscreen.  On opposite days I apply Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion.   I apply these creams over my moisturizer (avoiding the eye area) and before I apply my foundation.   In summary:

1. I use an exfoliating scrub 3 or 4 days a week, before cleansing
2. Cleanse daily with Basis Cleaner Clean foaming gel
3. Apply Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer all over my face, including around my eyes and on my neck
4. Apply Neutrogena's Anti-Wrinkle Cream or Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion (on alternating days avoiding the eye area)
5. Apply Clinique Stay True (Oil-free) liquid foundation over my face including around my eyes
6. After I've finished applying all of my makeup, I apply a tiny amount of the Dramatically Different Moisturizer under my eyes, lightly over my makeup and let it absorb in - which depuffs and reduces the look of fine lines. 

I am not a paid spokes person for any of these products but I am glad to share what has been working for me for nearly half of my life.  Keeping my skin younger looking is a great way to defy my age.  I don't know if there's a better product out there, but I'm still a stubborn, head strong lady.  I'm sticking with what works because if it isn't broke, why fix it?