Who Should Host the Oscars? ~ Clooney and the Award Goes to......... Me

The Oscars need a new host? I'll do it ~ I'm sarcasmic, smartasstiic and available. I sing and dance like Lucille Ball. I'm willing to co-host the Oscars with Clooney, Sandler, Chris Rock or Will Smith - tall, dark and.............hilarious! You thought I was going to say handsome, didn't you? 


Why I 'll even host the Oscars for free! It's an offer the Academy can't and should not refuse! Okay, I may not do it completely for free. I'd like to keep the wardrobe, however I promise to return any and all adornments provided by Harry Winston. 


 I also want to attend the after party of my choice - the one that Octavia Spencer is going to. Yes, she's getting nominating and she better win, or the powers that be may just  enjoy a slice of her 'special' chocolate pie.  


So why not Hollywood? I promise to surprise and entertain your diverse audience.  Oh, and please let Mr. Clooney know that I'm still happily married and that he should accept it and settle down already. Time's a wastin' George! 


The Oscar's need a new host.................and the award goes to......Me?  If you don't ask, you don't get!