Hanukkah Chanukah - Careful, Your Shiksa is Showing

I am a Shiksa, which in the Jewish world means a gentile woman. This term can be meant disparagingly, but I've never taken it that way. I've made some embarrassing mistakes as a Shiksa. Thank God Matt has a great sense of humor and laughs with me when my Shiksa is showing. 

We are an interfaith family. We celebrate and honor both Christian and Jewish holidays so our children have learned an appreciation and respect for other customs in our home.  I think it's wonderful that children also learn about cultural diversity in school. Understanding other cultures encourages tolerance and will hopefully decrease the chances of them embarrassing themselves. This was not the case when I was growing up.   I went to a Catholic school and had very little knowledge about Jewish customs.

My first faux pas as a Shiksa also happens to be my most embarrassing to date. When we were first dating, Matt's Grandfather passed away and I accompanied him to the funeral service at the cemetery - a Jewish cemetery.

I must first set the story up.  Matt is 10 inches taller than I am, so I often lag behind when we're walking.  Even if he's holding my hand, it looks as if he's pulling a child along.  My argument is that I have to take 2 steps to his one, causing me the need to pick up the pace in order to keep up with his normal stride.  We were already running late and I had mistakenly wore heels.  I told Matt to go ahead and not to worry, I would catch up.

It seemed to take an eternity to walk gracefully and respectfully towards the small gathering of family and friends I had not yet met.  They were immersed in hugs and conversation so no one paid any attention to my walk of shame. Thankfully the Rabbi was running later than I was. 

While I walked along the path I noticed that most of the headstones had pebbles or stones on top of them.   It appeared that someone had vandalized the cemetery out of disrespect.  This outraged me so I decided to be a good Shiksa and tidy up the cemetery. I cleaned off all the headstones I passed along the way.  What I failed to notice was that there weren't any flowers placed in front of the graves (what you would normally see in a Christian cemetery).

When I arrived, I observed my husband placing a stone on top of his sister's headstone (his only sibling who died in a car accident when she was 14 and Matt was 12).  Imagine the wide-eyed, Lucy Ricardo, look of horror on my face. "Um.....what are you doing honey?"  Matt explained that instead of flowers, Jews mark a visit to the cemetery by placing a stone on top of the headstone. GULP.  I put my hands over my mouth but my eyes revealed what my mouth could not say.  He said "what's wrong?" With my hands still over my mouth, I whispered "oh my God" and  then proceeded to discretely tell him what I innocently did.

How did Matt respond? Belly laughs. He laughed out loud so everyone took notice. Then he shared the story with everyone.  If anyone wondered about Matt's new girlfriend, all doubt was now removed.  She's a Shiksa.  I claimed ignorance, profusely apologized, shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile.  Thankfully, no one was offended and I inadvertently added comic relief at a difficult time. Welcome to the family.

After the service, I intentionally lagged behind as everyone headed towards their cars.  As I walked back, I placed some stones back on every headstone that I had tidied up on my way in.  Noticing I had lagged behind, Matt came back to help me undo my mistake.  We laughed about it the entire time and we still laugh about it today.

Hanukkah begins this week.  I hope to make some latkes, light the menorah with my husband and, since I never studied Hebrew, will probably manage to butcher the prayer.  Hopefully, no one but Matt will notice.  Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate from a sincere and well-intentioned Shiksa.

Ahhh The Holidays ~ How to Not Just Get Through Them, How To Enjoy Them

The holidays are upon us.  They are a time of gratitude, joy and gatherings with the ones we love.  As we all know, the holidays can also be very stressful - shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, decorating and more cleaning.  Throw in baking for school parties, basketball games and the office party - SOS!!! Our lives and schedules are already jam packed.  We don't just put more food on our plates during the holidays we put more stress on them.

I am cooking the family meal this Thanksgiving and I am not the least bit stressed about it.  I can't wait to spend a day with my family when we have no where else to be.  I want my family to enjoy a wonderful, traditional Thanksgiving feast but more importantly, I want to enjoy my family.  I've learned the only way to accomplish this is by picking and choosing my battles when it comes to preparing the holiday meal.  Delegating doesn't hurt either!

I've only made a full Thanksgiving feast from scratch once - and once was enough.  Whoever coined the phrase "easy as pie" surely meant easy as eating pie, not making it. The first time I made my own pie crust was also my last.  My frustration led to yelling, a feeling of inadequacy and ultimately, no pie for dessert.  I am still thankful my kids were too young to remember my holiday meltdown.  I only want my children to remember the holiday traditions of food, family, laughter and gratitude.  I didn't want them to associate the holidays with stress, perfection or frustration. After all, they learn what the live. This is how we manage to spend less time fussing and more time enjoying Thanksgiving.

First, we remember to give back.  Every year when the kids were younger, I would take them grocery shopping for the food pantry.  I asked them to imagine that we were poor and couldn't afford groceries and needed to get food at a food pantry, not a store.  Then, I let them select items they thought no one should do without: cereal, hot chocolate, soup, pasta and coffee.  They'd always remind me "Mom, you would have to have your coffee!"  So true. We would then bring our bags of groceries to a food drive. A local radio station has an annual, 4 day food drive so we "stuff the bus" with Star93.3!  My kids are now in college and they still give back by choice.  They'll work at a soup kitchen, the local food pantry or donate food.  I am so proud of them for being empathetic and charitable.

When it comes to dinner, I stick with what works and provides us with the least amount of work.  I want to get as much done as possible before our guests arrive. I buy a turkey that has a pop-up timer and I use a stuffing mix.  I like Pepperidge Farm stuffing.  There are recipes and preparation options listed on the package.  Choose the recipe and method that works for you: stove top, microwave, casserole or stuffing the bird. We prefer traditional stuffing with celery and onions.  Because I fear food-borne illnesses, I make a casserole.  I prep it in the morning and pop it in the oven 30 minutes before meal time.

Mashed potatoes are a breeze.  I peel and cube the potatoes and put them in a pot of water the night before.  I turn on the pot of potatoes in the morning.  Once they're ready, I put them in a crock pot on low, stirring occasionally.  They stay moist and warm until dinner time.

When it comes to gravy I cheat.  I buy jars of prepared gravy - Heinz home style.  I use equal amounts of beef and turkey gravy and add a cup of the drippings from our turkey to make it taste home made.  My kids never enjoyed the green bean casserole so I keep it simple.  I offer 2 steamed vegetables with butter sauce, usually corn and broccoli.  I use fresh broccoli.  I have it prepped and in a pot of water on the stove top ready to go the night before.  I only make frozen corn.  Biscuits are made by Pillsbury, put on a cookie sheet and baked just before dinner.  They taste as good as home made.  Cranberry sauce comes in a can and that's good enough for us. When it comes to making pies there is no easier way to do it but to use Pillsbury Pie Crusts.  They taste as good as home made and now, thanks to Pillsbury, making pie IS as easy as pie!

We never forget to delegate.  Our dinner guests often ask "what can I bring?"  I let them choose an appetizer and a bottle of their favorite wine to share (or strategically place in our wine rack).  Matt's fantastic about letting me be in charge and always asks "okay, what do you need me to do next?"  We work as a team - shopping, cooking and cleaning.  I love that about our marriage and I love that he doesn't let me do all of the work.  We're always sure to make time for an occasional hug, kiss and grope break. 

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my loving partner and friend - my husband, Matt. I am thankful for our 3 amazing children.  I am thankful to have a home and family to cook for and I am thankful we both have jobs.  I am thankful for our troops and the sacrifices they and their families' make so that we are free to enjoy every day.  I will savour every moment of this holiday season because I can - well maybe not the cleaning part. I'll get through that by hiding the clutter in a closet or two.

Please post a comment of your favorite family tradition and any shortcuts that allow you more time to enjoy the day.  May you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving and thank you for reading.

<3 Happy Skinny Mrs

My Skin Care Regime - If It's Not Broke, Why Fix It?

I have a confession to make.  I feel a little envious whenever I am face to face with my 19 year old stepdaughter.  Her skin is so 'young' and beautiful.  Sometimes I wish I had a time machine. I would travel back and tell the teenage version of me to spend less time in the sun and use more sunscreen.  I've always been a head strong, stubborn girl so I doubt I would have taken my own advice.  It wasn't until I was 28 years old that I became concerned about my skin.  I had combination skin - oily and dry.  Nothing like breaking out with pimples and noticing fine lines while approaching 30 at the speed of light.  I couldn't process the unfairness of having the problems of teenage skin while acquiring wrinkles.  I needed to make some changes fast.  When it came time to change my skin care regime, I asked a friend who had great skin.  That is when I started using Clinique cosmetics. 

I began using Clinique's 3 step skin care products at age 28.  Not only did I minimize breakouts, I managed to keep my skin younger looking.  I was still getting carded into my late 30's.  That's the only testimonial I needed to remain loyal to these products.  About 5 years later,  I read about the importance of exfoliating in order to maintain younger looking skin.  I learned that retinol and alpha hydroxy are proven exfoliants.  I modified my skincare regime by adding exfoliants and have been loyally using the same products for over 15 years.  I am completely happy with the appearance of my skin and wouldn't dream of trying something new - after all, if it's not broke, don't fix it!
The following are products I  use faithfully - some every day and some on alternating days.

I exfoliate 3 or 4 mornings a week with St. Ives Timeless Skin Apricot Scrub which contains alpha hydroxy.   I use it on my face AND my hands.  I can honestly say that I have no visible brown spots on my face or my hands. 

I have only one product I now cleanse my face with and that is Basis Cleaner Clean Face Wash.  It's an oil-free and soap-free gel that has aloe, mint and lemongrass in it.  It doesn't dry out my skin and I don't feel the need to use a toner after using this product.

My greatest discovery is the one staple I've been using for 22 years.  Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer.  I use it on my face, neck and even around my eyes - it is that gentle.  I have tried expensive under eye creams and they've actually made me look older!  I accidentally realized this product's ability to depuff the skin under my eyes.  I had gone through my usual cleansing and moisturising routine and then applied my Clinique liquid foundation makeup (Stay True is my favorite and it's oil-free and gentle enough to use around my eyes).  I noticed my under eyes still looked  puffy and the lines were noticeable.

Using a tiny dab, I applied a thin layer of moisturizer under my eyes, over my makeup.  I let it absorb in, verses massaging it in, so as not to mess up my makeup.  The result literally blew me away!  Once it absorbed into my skin, the puffiness was gone AND the lines were barely noticeable! I shared my discovery with the girls at the Clinique counter and they reinforced that it was gentle enough for use under my eyes.  No more experimenting with expensive eye creams for me and better results equals win, win!

After applying my moisturizer, there are 2 other products I use on alternating days. These should not be applied around the eyes.  I use Neutrogena's Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream.  It has retinol, vitamins and sunscreen.  On opposite days I apply Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion.   I apply these creams over my moisturizer (avoiding the eye area) and before I apply my foundation.   In summary:

1. I use an exfoliating scrub 3 or 4 days a week, before cleansing
2. Cleanse daily with Basis Cleaner Clean foaming gel
3. Apply Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizer all over my face, including around my eyes and on my neck
4. Apply Neutrogena's Anti-Wrinkle Cream or Clinique's Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion (on alternating days avoiding the eye area)
5. Apply Clinique Stay True (Oil-free) liquid foundation over my face including around my eyes
6. After I've finished applying all of my makeup, I apply a tiny amount of the Dramatically Different Moisturizer under my eyes, lightly over my makeup and let it absorb in - which depuffs and reduces the look of fine lines. 

I am not a paid spokes person for any of these products but I am glad to share what has been working for me for nearly half of my life.  Keeping my skin younger looking is a great way to defy my age.  I don't know if there's a better product out there, but I'm still a stubborn, head strong lady.  I'm sticking with what works because if it isn't broke, why fix it?

Mission Not-So-Impossible - How I Stay Motivated and Defy My Age

"How do you do it?"  I can't tell you just how often I hear that question - but I can tell you it increases with age.  This is me at 49 years of age. I was close enough to 50 to smell it. I didn't fear the number - maybe because I've managed to defy my age over the years. Sure, I have tell-tale lines on my brow and sun-kissed freckles on my skin (sounds so much nicer than wrinkles and age spots) but I've found ways to defy my age that have stood the test of time.
I turned 40 on January 1, 2000 - the new millennium.  Remember the countdown clocks that were mounted in every public building? Maybe you don't, but I certainly do.  Imagine facing the countdown to the big 4 0 every time you enter a public building. Tick tock....bye bye youth in 92 days, 8 hours and 43, 42, 41 seconds.  Fan-stinking-tastic (insert sarcastic tone of voice).  Thank you very little - for the regular reminders! Thankfully, turning 40 didn't throw me over the edge and neither did turning 50.
"You're so lucky - you're still thin and young looking for your age". Yet another comment I hear regularly.  Sometimes it sounds more like an accusation rather than a compliment.  I'm now emphatically stating to the haters: "LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!"  It feels good to get that off my chest.  If you are not too offended by my venting and are now a little intrigued - keep reading. This is how I do it:

Knowledge 
1) I read magazines that give me good information.  Fitness, Self, More, O and Cooking Light are my favorites. I don't waste my time or my money on tabloid-type magazines. They only bring me down.  I see botox, personal stylists, nip tuck and bad behavior displayed in those magazines.  I'm not learning anything useful by reading them.  I get fitness, health and beauty tips from the publications I listed.  More importantly, they motivate me to treat myself better. I love healthy recipes and they're chock full of solid, useful information.  I honestly don't give a rat's ankle which self-destructive celebrity just got arrested.  By the way, Cosmopolitan gives great advice (wink, wink) - nothing wrong with wanting to keep the passion in my marriage!
2) I'd rather watch Good Morning America, Oprah or the History Channel than watch 'reality' programs.  Pah-LEASE!  And, if I want to be entertained, I'd much rather watch a smart sitcom or Comedy Central - laughter is the best medicine.  Again, I lean towards watching informative or funny programs.  I like to learn and I love to laugh.
Willpower
1) I yo-yo with my weight like everyone else. I just do not let myself get to a point where I need to buy bigger jeans.  Once those pants start getting snug enough to turn my mini-muffin into a jumbo muffin I get strict with my diet.  I keep those too tight jeans on as a reminder - to eat less, eat better and get my expanding assets to the gym! I'm not wearing expandable Lycra - nope, not me! I need to feel like I'm fat to get back on the wagon and wearing jeans that cut off the circulation to my feet do the job.
2) While I'm eating a sensible meal, I'll flip through a Victoria's Secret catalogue or one of my favorite magazines.  It's sounds a little embarrassing, but it honestly it works for me.  I visualize myself with a more fit, healthy body - not the kind you see in high fashion magazines with emaciated models.  Again, this motivates me to take better care of me and make better choices.
Style
1) I try to buy new clothes every season - not a whole wardrobe - just a few pieces that give me a current look.  I look for sales and shop at outlets and discount stores (TJ Maxx and Marshall's) to save money.  Keeping my wardrobe somewhat current helps me feel and look younger.  Nothing spells old than out-dated clothes.  Get jeans with a waist that sits on your hips, just below your navel.  Higher waisted paints give the appearance of a belly bulge - even if you don't have one.
2) Out-dated hair styles can really 'age' women.  For Pete's sake try something new!  Hair grows in - it's temporary. Having bangs is a great way to hide brow lines - sweep them to one side for a more current look. I color my hair - grays make me look older.  I have nothing against woman who choose not to color their grays, but to me it's like not wearing concealer under my eyes.  I really do care about my appearance - if  I look gray with dark circles under my eyes -  I'm bound to feel gray and tired.
Attitude
1) Posture - stand up straight, shoulders back and chin up (don't forget a to smile and make eye contact).  Nothing commands attention more than a person who walks into a room with purpose and confidence.  They call it body language for a reason! I talk the talk and walk the walk. Let's face it, I'm a nurse so I have to smile a lot!  If you smile enough you really will feel happier. It works for me!
2) Shoes - that's right.... I just said shoes affect attitude.  If you're wearing shoes that are too high and uncomfortable, you're going to walk like a fool.  Props to you if you can walk with swagger sporting high-heeled slingbacks!  I have to wear a lower heel to walk confidently.
Cosmetics
1) Take care of your teeth and gums.  A whiter smile can take years off your look and you'll want to smile more.  I use whitening strips once or twice a year and brush with a whitening toothpaste daily.
2) Exfoliate and moisturize - not just your face! After using my facial scrub on my face, I slather and scrub my hands before rinsing.  I have no brown spots on my face or hands! ZERO. I do this every other day.  I use a body scrub and loofah for the rest of my person.  I use moisturizer all over (I'll discuss the products I use in a future blog).

Why be defined by a number? I started writing this blog because so many people ask me how I do it - this is what works for me.  I'll keep fighting the fight to defy my age because I enjoy how I feel. Care to join me?

Football Sundays - Chili & Tight Ends - What's Not to Love?

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em - nothing is more true when you live with sports fanatics.  When our family gathers around the table for a meal, my husband and sons talk sports - or I should say - argue sports.

It's dizzying to me how much knowledge they possess about sports - any sport - ALL sports.  My husband sometimes has trouble remembering what I told him yesterday, but he can recall every New York Yankee lineup, past and present, AND remember each player's stats.  Our daughter and I would silently stare at each other during meals - rolling our eyes and shrugging our shoulders.  She was wise enough to remain silent - I on the other hand, would attempt to chime in on the great dinnertime debates, only to get corrected or instantly shot down.  The only opinion I have that doesn't get shot down is that Derek Jeter has a cute backside and a fine way of dodging inside pitches. Not that they agree with me, but none of them have any facts to support an argument against it - in fact, my family finds my Jeter fixation humorous. The guys' opinions often grossly differ, ultimately resulting in heated debates - the perfect time for me to lighten things up with comments about Jeter's assets.

I refused to become a sports widow so I made up my mind to embrace my family's love of sports - after all, if Matt can put up with and partake in antiquing with me, why couldn't I learn to partake in and enjoy sports?  The truth is, I love football season.  I really enjoy preparing a pot of chili or stew this time of year and there's nothing like leftovers after a manic Monday workday. To get in the 'zone', I purchased an Eli Manning Giants jersey and I wear it every Sunday.  I don't fully understand football, but I pay attention and ask questions.  I think my husband enjoys my interest and an opportunity to share his vast knowledge of the sport.

As Winter approaches, the days will grow shorter and colder here in the Northeast.  I can't wait to start a fire in our fireplace and smell chili simmering on the stove while I cozy-up on the sofa with my honey.  I don't mind watching the Tight Ends in a huddle either!

Tammy's Beef Chili
Ingredients:
1 1/2 lbs lean ground beef
3  tbsps olive oil
1 small yellow onion - diced
5 cloves of garlic - minced
1 cup fat free chicken broth
1 cup of raw carrots - diced
1 medium green pepper - diced
1  29 ounce can of tomato sauce
1  6 oz can of tomato paste
1  15.5 ounce can of small red kidney beans - drained and rinsed
10 dashes of chipotle hot sauce (or to taste)
1 packet (1.25 ounce) of McCormick's low sodium chili seasoning

Garnish with 2 % shredded cheddar cheese and serve with tostada chips

Brown ground beef in a frying pain, drain and rinse off excess fat.  In a large sauce pan, heat olive oil on medium heat, saute onions until translucent.  Add garlic, carrots and green pepper and saute for 3 minutes.  Add chicken broth and bring to a boil. 
Add cooked, strained ground beef and all other ingredients.  Bring to near boil on medium high heat, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered for 40 minutes stirring occasionally

Serve chili in small crocks, sprinkle with shredded cheddar.  Enjoy with tostada chips and someone you love!

......And They Lived Happily Ever After - My Perspective on Fairy Tales

Happily ever after - most little girls dream about a fairy tale wedding.  We dream of finding our prince, falling in love, marrying said prince and living happily ever after. As little girls do, we envision beautiful gowns, tiaras, a handsome prince and a lovely castle. I've been married twice and  as a 50 year old woman - I now know the truth about fairy tales.  It took a failed first marriage, 18 years together and nearly 15 years of marriage to Matt for me realize that I AM and we ARE living the fairy tale. We have shared many moments of joy and many moments of stress and pain. Together, we have formed a love and bond that will last a lifetime.
We renewed our vows this past May.  Allow me to share with you what I vowed to my prince during our vow renewal ceremony.

It seems like just yesterday that we stood before a judge with our small children by our sides…in front of our family and friends. I remember how I felt that day.  I married my soul mate – my best friend, the love of my life.  Nothing felt more right. I had this image in my mind of my true love. It was not a physical image but rather a feeling and a longing to be a part of something magical.  I wanted the fairy tale.

But what are fairy tales? They are not filled with only roses, love and happiness.  Fairy tales are stories that evolve.  There are obstacles: personal struggles, poverty, social rejection, villains and monsters to face and overcome.  Once these obstacles are overcome, personal growth must happen before the ‘happily ever after’ moment arrives.  That being said, anything worthwhile is worth the fight.  Without the bad times how could we possibly recognize and cherish the good times?  Over 14 years ago we vowed to love each other, cherish each other and remain true to each other, for better or for worse.  For all of the joys we have experienced thus far, we have also faced and weathered many storms together.  Together - we are amazing.  With you - is where I long to be.  I don’t need a romantic backdrop or an exotic location.  I enjoy you no matter where we are. I love us. I love that we can just touch hands and gaze into each other’s eyes and feel – connect, communicate without any spoken words.  I love that we can never say ‘I love you’ too often.

I promise to never forget the struggles we endured to be together.  I will always fight for us.  We are worth the fight.

I promise to never forget the good - all of the good you have shown me and our family in the past and the sacrifices you have made for us. I look forward to our future and the good memories that are yet to come.

I promise to weather every storm with you… because together we can overcome any obstacle. I will support you when life becomes overwhelming.

I promise to cherish you and our marriage.  I will never take you or our marriage for granted.  The love we share is so rare and precious to me.

I promise to be your best friend. I will listen even if I cannot help or understand. I will be your support when life leaves you weary and your shoulders feel overburdened.

I promise to laugh with you - at the funny things and the not-so-funny things - the way you cope with difficult situations has been through laughter. I am learning to cope with laughter because of you. 

I promise to hold you and love you and be there for you… you never need to search for someone who understands or could love you more than I – that simply is not possible – No one could love you more than I. I never knew I could love someone so much.  There are no words that do justice to how I feel about you and about US.

I promise to have your back. We are together and you are my husband. 

I promise to respect you and your decisions - even if I don’t always agree with you.

With promises there are expectations. I expect honesty and loyalty. Sometimes the truth hurts but together we are strong enough to overcome the hurt. I only expect what I am willing to give of myself. I promise to be honest and loyal – always.

I have entrusted you with my love, my life and my heart.  Please do not break my heart.

I expect you to come to me with anything - whether you think I can handle it or not.  Please don’t assume you know how I will react or how I will feel.

I expect you to refill my coffee if I need you to do so.

I expect you to love me while remaining true to you.  Do not change a thing - I love you as you are.

All I want is to love you for the rest of my life. To wake up every morning with you by my side.  Knowing that no matter what happens during our times apart, I’ll be able to come home to your loving arms.

All I want is to share everything with you - our ideas, dreams and hopes - for today and  for our future.

All I want is to give you my love .

All I want is to grow old with you - to travel one day at a time with you in our journey that is our marriage.

You are my present and my future. I only want to spend my life loving you until death us do part.

I believe in us.

The vows and promises spoken after many years of loving and living a fairy tale are not only powerful - they are much more meaningful because they come from love's wisdom and love's experience.  If you haven't considered renewing your vows, I highly recommend it.  There wasn't a dry eye in the room when we professed our vows to each other - because our words came directly from the heart of our fairy tale - laced with the joy, love, memories and struggles that we share together..... and they lived happily ever after.

Housework: United We Stand - Together Gets it Done Quicker

Housework - the word alone makes me cringe. Maintaining a home is work and it's a thankless job that's never really completed.  Just when the overflowing hamper is finally emptied,  dirty laundry is getting tossed  in. Is it me, or does it seem as if the dirty clothes mate and multiply in that hamper?   Maybe that's why we "separate" the laundry. With 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog our house doesn't stay clean for very long.  Our cats have impeccable timing - they wait for the floors to be clean before feeling the need to cough up a hairball.   We vacuum up enough pet hair in a week to start our own business making kitty wigs for hairless cats.  We don't have dust bunnies - they're more like dust tumble weeds.
Carol Brady had it made.  The Brady's were a middle class family with a stay-at-home mom AND a full time, live-in maid. Seriously?  That's about as realistic as me giving up shoe shopping.  Did we grow up watching that nonsense? I need an Alice! We all need an Alice! With 6 kids, Mr. and Mrs. Brady and pets, Alice needed an Alice! It appeared that all Carol did was sew on a few buttons and help out in the kitchen.  With 3 kids in college we cannot justify hiring someone to clean house once a week - especially since it only stays clean for 15 minutes.  We'd rather do the job ourselves and save that money for dinner out or a weekend away.
Weekends are short.  So, our time off is precious to both of us. When it's time to clean, Matt and I divide and conquer. He's better at doing the floors than I am.  The nurse in me needs to hose down the kitchen and bathrooms killing any possible virus or bacteria that may be lurking around. We take turns cooking and cleaning up after meals.   If we divide and conquer, neither of us feels the work load is unfair and we get it done in half the time, thus leaving us with more play time.  When the kids were little we asked that they help out making them aware that with their help, the work gets done faster - ultimately getting them to the soccer field sooner. They grew up in a home that lacked sexist roles. Now that they are older, they do their own laundry, they are capable of cooking and keeping their own space clean.  Teens and clean - a bit of an anomaly, wouldn't you say?
Since Matt and I share the cooking responsibilities, it only makes sense that we grocery shop together.  We both have a say on what goes in the cart and ends up on our table.  We actually have fun shopping together. We enjoy each other's company, so for us, shopping is another opportunity to spend time together.  We spend too much time apart during the work week, so we choose to spend as much time together as possible on the weekends.  I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. 
I imagine some may find our marriage nauseating, but it works for us.  Share and share alike - even when it applies to the drudgery of chores and errands that cannot be neglected.  Our marriage and home is happier when we work and play together - whether it's coping with a family crisis, sweeping up tumble weeds or cheering on our children at their games.  For better or for worse....I thank God we're in it together!