We are an interfaith family. We celebrate and honor both Christian and Jewish holidays so our children have learned an appreciation and respect for other customs in our home. I think it's wonderful that children also learn about cultural diversity in school. Understanding other cultures encourages tolerance and will hopefully decrease the chances of them embarrassing themselves. This was not the case when I was growing up. I went to a Catholic school and had very little knowledge about Jewish customs.
My first faux pas as a Shiksa also happens to be my most embarrassing to date. When we were first dating, Matt's Grandfather passed away and I accompanied him to the funeral service at the cemetery - a Jewish cemetery.
I must first set the story up. Matt is 10 inches taller than I am, so I often lag behind when we're walking. Even if he's holding my hand, it looks as if he's pulling a child along. My argument is that I have to take 2 steps to his one, causing me the need to pick up the pace in order to keep up with his normal stride. We were already running late and I had mistakenly wore heels. I told Matt to go ahead and not to worry, I would catch up.
It seemed to take an eternity to walk gracefully and respectfully towards the small gathering of family and friends I had not yet met. They were immersed in hugs and conversation so no one paid any attention to my walk of shame. Thankfully the Rabbi was running later than I was.
While I walked along the path I noticed that most of the headstones had pebbles or stones on top of them. It appeared that someone had vandalized the cemetery out of disrespect. This outraged me so I decided to be a good Shiksa and tidy up the cemetery. I cleaned off all the headstones I passed along the way. What I failed to notice was that there weren't any flowers placed in front of the graves (what you would normally see in a Christian cemetery).
When I arrived, I observed my husband placing a stone on top of his sister's headstone (his only sibling who died in a car accident when she was 14 and Matt was 12). Imagine the wide-eyed, Lucy Ricardo, look of horror on my face. "Um.....what are you doing honey?" Matt explained that instead of flowers, Jews mark a visit to the cemetery by placing a stone on top of the headstone. GULP. I put my hands over my mouth but my eyes revealed what my mouth could not say. He said "what's wrong?" With my hands still over my mouth, I whispered "oh my God" and then proceeded to discretely tell him what I innocently did.
How did Matt respond? Belly laughs. He laughed out loud so everyone took notice. Then he shared the story with everyone. If anyone wondered about Matt's new girlfriend, all doubt was now removed. She's a Shiksa. I claimed ignorance, profusely apologized, shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile. Thankfully, no one was offended and I inadvertently added comic relief at a difficult time. Welcome to the family.
After the service, I intentionally lagged behind as everyone headed towards their cars. As I walked back, I placed some stones back on every headstone that I had tidied up on my way in. Noticing I had lagged behind, Matt came back to help me undo my mistake. We laughed about it the entire time and we still laugh about it today.
Hanukkah begins this week. I hope to make some latkes, light the menorah with my husband and, since I never studied Hebrew, will probably manage to butcher the prayer. Hopefully, no one but Matt will notice. Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate from a sincere and well-intentioned Shiksa.
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